#2

I really do love my Macbook. Have I mentioned that? But at the same time, I really don't want it. I feel like it was so much money and I already have an iMac. I feel bad that my dad thinks he needs to get me these expensive things. But I really do beg him. I regret begging. Everyday I use it, I feel like I am just wasting it. And using up the memory. And soon it will just be something I toss around. But the way my dad looks at me when I use it, he is so happy to see me happy. Time goes so fast. I remember he would give me that look when I got a Go-Go My Walking Pet. A simple ten dollar Christmas gift would give me so much joy as a kid. I don't want to grow up. And thats another thing I hate about Christmas now. I am not as excited as I used to be. I don't write my big list and send it to Santa. I don't leave cookies and milk. And I rarely talk about it. All I do is tell my parents that I want Santa to get me this and that. Everything I say is always over 100 dollars. Its the worst for my mom. She loved getting me my little barbie accessories and seeing my face light up every Christmas morning. Now we don't relate gift wise. I want electronics and she is still with the Barbies. I love her for that. So every now and then I ask for something like that and she gets it. I really do love her. Growing up is definitely one of the hardest things for me.

I am so thankful for my one good friend. She is not my best friend, but I feel like she will be. Summer has only begun. She isn't going to my school next year, but with her help I will gain some really close friends. It was always good knowing that I was someones best friend and knowing that she was the one person I would be with mainly, but I lost her. Its time to find someone knew like she did. Everyone basically made there friend groups for life and I am hoping I can get into one. Its almost 4 right now and I just cant sleep. I think its because I have so many emotions going on right now and I don't know what to do. Twitter is the worst for me because I have to see my ex-best friend and her new friends tweets 24/7. It never stops. They are going down the shore tomorrow and that kills me. So I called the one girl that I knew would never judge me or let me down. She seems to be the one that is always there for me. I told her my situation and she already has me in to join her friend group. They are popular and pretty and very social. Thats just what I wanted. This girl even wanted me to go on vacation with her tomorrow for a week. She tweeted and made statuses all about me to make them see I am doing fine without them. And I even talked to her friends and asked them to hang out! I am hanging out with them as soon as she gets back from vacation or earlier. I am probably hanging out with my one best friend tomorrow. She is always there for me, but I feel like things aren't going to work with me and her. I feel like I have changed and she isn't like me anymore so it is weird. I hope after writing all of this I will be able to sleep. Thank god for my easy access macbook and blogger. I am going to change the layout soon and make it more presentable. I want people to view this and comment on things I should do. But for now, I am forever alone.

I actually think I have only one best friend and one guy friend. My best friend is amazing and I can honestly say that we will always be best friends. We have been through everything together and we got into the worst fights where we weren't even friends anymore, but we always end up best friends by the end of the day. I don't know where I would be without her. Now my guy best friend is just as amazing. We have been friends for a while now and we are part of a french family in school. We got closer through out the years and now he is the only boy that comes over my house and takes family pictures with me. I love being that close to a boy because he can give me advice on boys and he just has no drama. I know he would do anything for me and I would do anything for him. Those are basically my only two friends and I truly love them. I am in the basement right now and I am freaking out. Its so dusty down here and dirty. I have my Macbook down here and I am flipping. Making a video later for tumblr.

My life right now is currently at a standstill. It honestly couldn't be worse but at the same time it couldn't be better. On the good side, I graduate middle school and finally off to high school. My dad got me a Macbook for my graduation and I couldn't be happier. I wish I could express my feelings better. I really do love my dad. He gives me everything I ever need and all he does is protect me. Life is also good because it is summer ! I have been waiting for summer since September and it already feels half over when it has only just begun. On the bad side, I don't want to go to my public high school. I recently lost my best friend. Probably the one person I was my real, true self. I could tell her and do anything with her and I always trusted her. But then she turned on me. She turned on me for a life of popularity and friends. Something I wish I could have done. But now, I am alone. I have nothing to do. Ever. I have no friends except one that will be leaving all summer. I wish I wasn't such a loser.. I wish this summer would be the best one of my life, but it probably won't be. Sure, I have all these boys talking to me, but really I could have a lot of guy friends but they don't compare to having your one best girl friend. I am so happy about my Macbook though, so at least I have that to keep me going...